Royal Wedding...Dress Rehearsal for Prince William & Kate! Fancy fruit cake, please!

 

They say:

“Life is not a dress rehearsal.”

However, there are specific occasions when dazzling overwhelming high-profile events require them.

So, that is why there was a big turn-out across the big pond in London yesterday, two days before the Royal Wedding of this - or any century for that matter - revs up!

In anticipation of the much-ballyhooed union of two star-crossed lovers – starring Prince William and Kate Middleton front-row-and center at Westminster Abbey – Queen E2 and her handlers (and a large contingent of Windsors and Middletons) purred around the bustling downtown streets in luxury limos (to essentially trot the gauntlet along the route of the wedding motorcade) to ensure that the Royals get it "just right" tomorrow when the future King of England ties-the-knot with his pretty love (kiss-me-Kate).

Abba, Elton John and his boy-toy - and a posse of others - will have to get to the church in their own sweet time without much help from Officials at Buckingham Palace on the other hand.

Meanwhile - Tony Blair, President Obama, and the Duchess of Pork – um - York - need not fight the crush of traffic since the trio of high-profile personalities won't be attending.

Uh-huh!

All snubbed.

Will there be any missed cues or late entrances?

While the blushing bride is expected to utter up - "I Do" - don't expect Kate to gush that she'll "obey".

According to insider scuttlebutt, the future Princess exercised her right to editorial control, alright.

On the sidelines, Dave Letterman and Jay Leno are expected to toss a jibe or two on their highly-rated talk shows Friday night, in the aftermath of the media bonanza.

Especially when it comes to the official wedding cake.

Although the spokesperson for the Royals took great pains to characterize the frothy-looking multi-tiered cake as a rich delicious treat waiting to be served up with a lot of "wow" factor at the chi-chi after-party, the truth of the matter?

The crown jewel of pastries is basically a fruit cake, all tarted up, nothing more nothing less!

However, for the kiddies (the younger hipper set with a sweet tooth or two not inclined to hanker to tradition, gee whiz), there will be a tasty chocolate crisp yummy sure to go down smoothly with a dash of milk, chilled bubbly, even a brewskie!

At press time, roving reporters were still hovering the crowded terrain at a fever pitch, still anxious to get first dibbs on a publicity still sure to nab millions!

A shot of Kate's designer frock to be worn to Westminster Abbey for the ultra-tony social event of the year would be a mighty coup for any self-respecting paparazzi worth his weight to snap up.

Bet your sweet bippy, that even if the pricey gown doesn't make an entrance early on the world stage - that within minutes of the breathtaking reveal - trendy rip-off designers in the rag-trade will be rustling up cheap knock-offs to flog to commoners anxious to don for their own romantic day of wedded (eternal?) bliss.

News at 11!

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Can Wills & Kate top Lady Diana's Royal Wedding?

William & Kate: The Movie...cheesy bio unveils truth! Future Princess hot (to trot)!



"The movie is so bad it may end up a cult classic," one critic quipped, as he rolled his eyes and appeared to be lament - "Give me a break" - between the poorly-written lines.

'Ya get the drift, eh?

Train-wrecks are tragic, but - even the faint-of-heart are inclined to gaze on with fascination - nonetheless.

Although I haven't been blessed with a sneak preview of "William & Kate: The Movie" - OMG - judging by the dirty rotten reviews it's a Royal hoot.

So, I expect if it is raining tonight in the picturesque city by the bay - or downtrodden folks are snowed in back east in a freak wintry blast before spring finally roars in like a lamb - middle America will be snatching up a truckload of munchies and thirst-quenching  7-11 big gulps - and tuning in to catch what is expected to be ultra-camp entertainment worth writing home about.

What do you expect from a TV MOW quickie slapped together like a tasty ham & cheese sandwich in two seconds flat?

Hold the mayo, please!

The future Princess is on a diet  'ya know?

Obviously, judging from the cries of the critics far-and-wide, there is a distinct departure in taste when it comes to the Yanks on these shores and the Brits across the big pond.

According to one top reviewer - in spite of the fact U.S. critics have been panning the slightly (!) fictionalized real-life fairy tale as a "cheesy chick flick" - it is highly-anticipated that blokes in Jolly old Englan will cherish it because it is so downright "outlandish".

And, you thought the Queen's subjects were amused by dry wit, eh?

The highlight?

When Kate first sashayed down the runway in a see-through dress before the winsome twosome  originally hooked up, Wills' rowdy pals apparently shouted out their approval.

"Kate's hot."

Uh-huh!

Love at first sight!

Of bare flesh, that is.

Sounds like the Prince is just as randy as his younger brother Harry.

At least he has his priorities straight!

See 'ya at Westminster Abbey on the 29th, eh?

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Rain forecast for the 29th?

(Don't forget your rubbers Wills)

Jay Leno...puts damper on Royal Wedding plans! You go, girl! Leslie Mann's perky appeal!

Leslie Mann - high on her recent acting stint (a voice-over gig) on the just-released comedy flick - RIO - trotted out from behind the curtain at NBC last night and plunked herself down in the comfy armchair next to talk-show host Jay Leno.

But, a short way into the effervescent interview, Leno put an obvious damper on Ms. Mann's upcoming plans to jet across the big pond to jolly old England to celebrate the Royal Wedding.

"You're invited to the wedding," Leno quizzed the perky beauty, with a touch of envy in his voice.

At this point, Mann's face clouded over a tad - as she hesitated a sec - and stumbled for the words to respond.

"No," she finally fessed up.

At this point, Leno probed a little further in a sly effort to to rustle up the specifics.

Apparently, Mann is heading off to London with the kids and mother in tow, to take up a humble perch in the bustling city streets where the motorcade was expected to purr by.

Jay shook his head in disbelief.

In so many words, he appeared to be saying, that's no good!

Now, the poor little bodacious babe is in a quandary about what to do, given the fact Leno has apparently pooh-poohed the notion.

Frankly, I was surprised about the talk-show host's ignorance, with regard to such matters.

When I was a kid, I distinctly recall my mother dragging me off to catch a glimpse of Queen Elizabeth II, when she cruised by in her stately Rolls Royce along a carefully laid out route in the downtown streets of Toronto.

In fact, thousands of Brits - tourists and lookie loo's too - are expected to do the same when the handsome Royal couple drive by all kissey-face after tying-the knot at Westminster Abbey!

Gosh, I'd follow suit - and wear my Sunday-best even - if I could afford the air-fare and cost of a hotel suite.

Maybe there's a news agency out there willing to spring for my trip - in exchange for some lively reporting on the spot - in the midst of the adoring teaming masses expected to turn-out at the Royal event of the century on April 29th?

Leslie, you go girl!

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Royal Watchers have eye-out for Fairy-tale Coach!

(Wedded Bliss)

George Michael...hot single! Download free! Royal's Charitable Gift Fund!

 

When George Michael isn't stalled at traffic stops stooped over the wheel in a drug stupor, he's usually drumming up tunes in the recording studio for die-hard fans chomping-at-the-bit for whatever scrap of song he's inclined to toss their way.

Tonight, the sexy bad boy of Pop unveiled his latest musical musings, which will benefit a Charitable Gift Fund set up by Prince William - and his blushing bride-to-be - Kate Middleton.
George has invited music-lovers to download the just-released single, with a low-key plea that guests who snap up the generous offer, donate to the Royal couple's humanitarian fund-raising project.

Donation information

http://www.royalweddingcharityfund.org/

The Charitable Gift Fund has been set up to support five causes that are dear to the hearts of the winsome twosome about to trot to the altar at the end of the month amidst a swirl of media frenzy and a throng of well-wishers expected to pack the bustling streets of downtown London two-or-three-feet deep.

"I'm incredibly happy for William, incredibly happy for his partner, and I'm absolutely sure that Diana would have loved the whole thing. I really hope she would have loved this track," Michael gushed.

In contrast to the tired remake Elton John offered up at Lady Diana's funeral (the Pop Star raised eyebrows when he dedicated a flat rendition of a song he originally wrote for Marilyn Monroe) Michael has offered up a heartfelt soulful ballad in the romantic vein that touches.

As they say at Facebook:

Like!

DOWNLOAD

http://www.georgemichael.com/gift/

On the Piers Morgan talk show tonight, George Michael appeared to be relaxed and at ease, and downright comfortable in his skin.

I laughed when I spied the horn-rimmed glasses on the end of his pretty snoz, though.

I wear a pair of specs that are similarly-styled.

But, when I am out at a cafe - or strolling down the street and catch sight of potential date heading in my direction - I quickly slip off the old-fashioned eyewear.

Vanity!

If the lyrics ring true, just maybe, George has stumbled on true love for once in his long-suffering troubled life, eh?

News at 11!

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Here comes the Bride!

Elton John...insults Queen Elizabeth! Saturday Night Live skit shocking & outrageous!



Of late, there has been a glut of media buzz and wild speculation about every delicious detail of the Royal Wedding - with a big thrust on who wangled coveted invites to William & Kate's much-anticipated upcoming nuptials, which lucky designer was selected to fashion the future Princess's wedding frock, what went down at a stag tossed by Prince Harry, you-name-it.

But, with the spectacular social event of the year on the horizon, one has to seriously wonder if Sir Elton John sought - and got - a nod from the Royals (in particular, Queen E 2) before going out on a shaky limb and jeopardizing his ties with the Wales family by participating in a shockingly tasteless skit which took an unkind jab at Queen Elizabeth last night on Saturday Night Live.

I expect the Queen has a good sense of humor, but - in my humble opinion - the writers (and Sir Elton - who appeared to throw caution and all sense of propriety - to the wind) went too far!

The poorly-written - unfunny sketch - was downright mean-spirited and uncalled for when you consider that the Queen never did anything to deserve such a stinging send-up in a gag that left a stink long after the footlights went down on the NBC stage.

For example, at one point, a comic - gussied up to "look" like a dowdy old Monarch, stood like a common street hooker with a drab colorless frock lifted high on the leg.

'She must be the only Queen who wears Ann Taylor,' quipped back Elton - at which point - Prince Phillip was forced to restrain the Queen as she tried to attack him.

If that wasn't bad enough, the characterization was replete with foul-language, which was startling to hear when it fell on the ears.

At one point, Mr. John went off the deep end when he lamented that the Queen was a 'mean old bitch'.

When the subject of the possibility of crooning - Candle in the Wind - at the after-party, the Queen pooh-poohed the notion.

'You know when I see a Candle in the Wind? When I light my farts," she cackled.

The gracious Queen has never given the impression that she has all the manner of a common truck-driver in all the years I've been following her every move as a loyal member of the Commonwealth (I'm Canadian and we love and support the Royal Family) nor has she ever deserved such a raunchy put-down.

If Elton John's invite to the Royal Wedding is revoked, and he's tossed in the dungeon, I'll be applauding on the sidelines.

Instant Karma "Sir" Elton, just ask Yoko Ono!

And, how was your day?

http://www.thetattler.biz



Classy Queen Elizabeth II deserved better!

Prince William...stag party a military operation! Shy Royal sips tea from souvenir mug!

 



The normally press-shy Prince William sat casually with a reporter this morning and fielded questions on a myriad of topics much to the surprise of Royal-watchers far-and-wide.

Perhaps - it was the well-received highly-publicized interview featuring a down-to-earth Prince Harry on Network television in recent days - that inspired "Wills" to let down his guard and open up to the insatiable prying press at-long-last.

Who knows?

If anything, the Prince turned out to be quite "common", in some respects.

I mean that in a flattering way, of course.

For the most part, the future King was pretty forthcoming with his carefully-uttered responses, for example.

In fact, in one curious instance, Prince William confirmed that there was a sort-of "cat & mouse" aspect to his relationship with the tabloid gossip rags (although he may not have realized at the time that such a revelation was being offered up in a round-about way).

Indeed!

The Prince admitted that a stag party was not only orchestrated by bro Prince Harry - but was actually tossed this past weekend at a friend's Estate in the country - without anyone being the wiser.

"Yeah, we outfoxed the press," Wills jubilantly informed the interviewer.

And, he proceeded to describe the clandestine event this way.

"It was kind-of-like a military operation," he joked.

The Prince sat casually in uniform with a ubiquitous helicopter framing his solid masculine frame in the background.
Even so, he downplayed his ability to maneuvere the craft, and shrugged off the suggestion that he was a skilled pilot, too.

Modest dude, eh?

If you're not up on the scuttlebutt, you may be surprised to hear that Kate & William reside on an Estate close to the remote base, which suits the couple fine.

Today - Prince Willliam was expecting his grandmother (Queen E 2) to trot by - and take a tour of her son's "workplace".

It's doubtful there will be any bottles of champagne ceremoniously christening any of the fleet's ships, though.

Uh-huh.

Prince William views his position as a soldier as - "just a job" - as does his younger brother Harry.

Kate's fiancee displayed quite a keen sense of humor, too, when unfielded questions came his way.

For example, he sheepishly admitted that fellow soldiers coughed up the funds to purchase a souvenir mug - which is etched with his and Kate's images on its face - which he cheekily sips tea out of daily.

Why?

Because he's a good sport, after all.

A hand-made pillow was also crafted for his princely head.

So, in this instant case, William may not have to worry about an old familiar phrase that has haunted Monarchs for centuries.

"Uneasy lies the head that wears the Crown!"

Prince William doesn't plan to wear a wedding ring, by the way.

Apparently, the simple band is usually crafted from Welsh gold, which is scarce these days.

He was quick to note that Kate may sport one on her dainty finger, however.

Perhaps he might consider stringing a wedding band through a chain on his neck alongside his dog tags?

News at 11!

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Prince William sips tea out of similar mug!

Royal Wedding...1900 elite guests await plain wrapper invite! Prince Harry to rehab?

Royal Couple prepares for wedded bliss!

The latest word out of Buckingham Palace is that invites to the much-anticipated Royal Wedding (die-stamped in gold and decorated with gilded edges) - undoubtedly the fairytale social event of the year - have been discreetly mailed out in pale brown envelopes by regular post.

According to insiders (who choose to remain anonymous for fear of being cast out) 1900 guests - in good standing with the Queen and the fresh-faced young couple - have been given the nod to attend the prestigious Wedding Ceremony at Westminster Abbey on April 29th.

Apparently, Fergie - the Duchess of Pork (er- York) - has not been invited (contrary to previous up-to-the-minute news flashes fired off by frenzied media types hungry for gossipy tid-bits on U.S. shores).

To official Royal observers keeping track of the slights on the sidelines - the end scenario for the scandal-ridden former better-half of randy Prince Andrew - comes as no surprise.

"Would you invite an ex-wife to a wedding," one crusty old cynic snidely joked in response to urgent press queries in recent days.

Some of the elite few expected to attend (friends of the Prince, his bride, and her family) include members of the military (a handful of Will's colleagues from the Royal Air Force, for instance), obedient foreign diplomats, European-born Royals (in-laws, for starters), and welcome down-to-earth folks who have toiled faithfully for a handful of worthy charities that the Royals support.

Inquiring minds want to know if Elton John - once a close confidant of Lady Diana - will be granted the rite of passage.

Kanye West (who performed at a 2007 tribute for Prince William's mother) may be a shoe-in, though.

After all, Prince William has been pining for a dazzling hip crowd to be in tow - or so say - my sources.

Are the back-biting cads to be believed?

No doubt - QE 2 - will have the final say.

By the way, the grand old Dame will be tossing a luncheon for 600 hand-picked guests, at Buckingham Palace.

No to be outdone, Prince Charles has elected to also spring for a chi-chi soiree, at which 300 are expected to toast handsome Prince William and his pretty young bride.

By then, the dust probably should have settled on Prince Harry's "wild stag",  I expect.

In view of his dishevelled appearance in the wee hours of dawn just a scant few days ago, can rehab be far behind?

News at 11!

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Royals stripped bare in glare of spotlight!

Prince William...Royal Wedding, Harry's stag & Kate's weight loss rustle up media frenzy!

Mike Oldfield designer of the hour?

As "Royal Watchers" titter about Kate's sudden weight loss - and blame chic black fashion ensembles (in part) for slender impressions that hint on the suggestion that she is too thin - rambunctious social climbers fathom ways to crash a wild stag party that Prince Harry is expected to toss for his older brother Wills and a posse of their uppercrust pals.

No question about it!

There will be a barrel or two of potent grog on tap to get well-wishers in the mood to par-tay when the bachelor boy takes the final leap into manhood!

For sure - the festivities wll be held in either Scotland or Wales - some wager!

Others, suggest that a one of the exclusive watering holes in London, will offer up their snobby environs for the wild occasion!

For starters, Queen Elizabeth is expected to be most assuredly out-of-harm's-way when the Prince and his closest buddies tip their elbows into the wee hours of dawn.

In fact, I expect that Q E 2 (Queen Lizzie) will be busy dusting off a fairy-tale glass coach or two - down at the Palace garage - in anticipation of the delightful Royal Ceremony.

Meanwhile tongues are wagging about the latest scoops off the wire.

Fergie - once considered a black sheep of the family, for instance - somehow managed to wangle an invite to the Wedding Chapel.

Apparently, Prince William's childhood memories pulled at his heart strings a tad - enough so - that the Duchess of York may find herself trotting up to the Church on time to attend the blessed Royal event.

According to the scuttlebutt, though, the scorned woman (accused of influence peddling of late) won't be tripping-the-light-fantastic with true blue bloods in the inner sancum (at tony receptions and elite after-parties) as the Royal Couple cruise off into the sunset (happily-ever-after?)

And, what details - pray tell - are still under wraps?

The prying eyes of the fashion press have been kept in the dark about -"the dress" - for starters.

Insiders speculate that Mike Oldfield wlll do the honors, but the Royals are keeping "mum", nonetheless.

Kate observers are predicting that the frock will be understated but elegant, and spun from the romantic yarn of an upcoming fashion star on the horizon, across the great pond.

Expect dozens of knock-off versions to hit fashion houses once the designs have been ceremoniously unveiled (no pun intended).

"No one is tying to fill my Mother's shoes at the Palace," Prince William was inclined to hastily note for the record.

But, the pressure will be on, for sure.

My crystal ball reveals a designer frock with simple lines and exquisite romantic flourishes.

And, once the Royal Couple has kissy-faced on their honeymoon, a moving van may pull up in front of one of William's fond digs of yesteryear.

"I was raised at Kensington Palace. And, I had so many pleasant childhood memories there," the Prince beamed to media snoops in recent days, as he hinted in so many words that the two lovebirds may set up their love nest there.

No doubt, Lady Diana's loving spirit will be hovering overhead, with an approving eye.

http://www.thetattler.biz

Royal Watchers keen on Kate being an eyeful!



Prince Wiliam...shocking remarks of Royal Observers!

In the wake of the media frenzy over the engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton - a handful of so-called Royal oberservers have scurried out of the woodwork and into the forefront - to toss in their two pence worth.

Shockingly, some of their comments have been insulting to a less-fortunte sector of society, to say the least.

For example, on one E-News broadcast, a coiffed Brit was quick to point out that Lady Diana made deliberate efforts to ensure that William and Harry were made aware of  life beyond the four walls of the Palace (something the Buddha had to find out for himself).

"She took them to visit the homeless and A.I.D.S. patients," the huffy blueblood noted matter-of-fact.

An okay observation, alright.

But her follow-up remarks were quite disturbing.

"She (Lady Diana) wanted to make them aware that there was a seamier side to life."

Say what?

The inference that those who are inflicted with A.I.D.S. - or that the homeless are part of a seamier side of life - jolts the sensibilities.

What an outrageous notion!

Lady Diana was bent on enlightening her two young Princes about the less-fortunate in the world.

I trust that the uppity uppercrust will take pause - and in a moment of compassion and understanding - attempt to fathom that!

Only then, will Lady Diana rest easy in her grave, for a task well done.

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Prince William's engagement...triggers fashion knock-offs!

On the chic heels of Prince William's engagement announcement - knock-off artists sprang into action - to fill the potential demand for all-things Kate Middleton!

For example, quick-as-a-wink, a cheapo version of Kate's engagement sparkler (the ring that once graced the finger of Prince Willie's mother Lady Diana) was being hawked on HSN (by an enterprising Carol Brodie) for a posse of young lovers to scoop up for their own upcoming trot down the aisle of wedded bliss.

Issa - a popular fashion house for the tony elite - was quick on the uptake, too!

Within hours of the future Royale's appearance before the frenzied fleet-street press - the top brass was drawing attention to the fact Kate was gussied up in one of their own understated - but elegant - saphire blue frocks.

Once Ms. Middleton is firmly entrenched in the uppercrust society of the super rich - and the International Jet Set - will she go the way of Lady Diana before her or the Duchess of pork - er - York?

News at 11!

http://www.thetattler.biz



Vivacious Kate!

Prince William...pops question to Kate! My prediction true...

 

So, it looks like the handsome Prince - and his fair lady - will gallop into the Sunset next year (after all).

A few weeks ago, amidst a lot of hoopla, I penned a post in which I predicted that Lady Diana's oldest son (heir to the English Throne) was ready to trot down the aisle to say "I do".

The Royals have announced that the pretty couple will exchange vows in the spring or summer of 2011.

Post:  05/17/10

http://forgusbeylan.blogspot.com/2010/05/prince-williamwedding-bells-ahead.html

The Prince - smartly-attired in a chic dress suit with his fiancee on his arm - strolled out onto the world stage earlier this afternoon as flashbulbs of the omnipresent paparazzi snapped away furiously in a bold-faced effort to capture the auspicious occasion on celluloid!

Insiders are speculating that this is the real deal, too.

"He gifted Ms. Middleton with Lady Diana's engagement ring, so what does that tell you," one Royal-watcher gushed from a perch on the sidelines.

Prince Charles was heard to quip ecstatically in the wings:

"It's about time. They've been practicing for the past eight years!"

Congrats, Willie

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